What is Discipline ?

 I’d like to start this article by sharing something I read from Child & Adolescent Behavioral Health. 

The following is a direct quote, the full article can be found at the this link. https://www.childandadolescent.org/discipline-vs-disciplined

“What comes to mind when you think about discipline?

For many people the answer is punishment.  Parents discipline their children for misbehavior.  A disciplinary panel serves to determine whether someone (usually a professional) has violated rules, laws, or a code of conduct, and if so, what punishment is appropriate for the offense.  Disciplinary action generally refers to negative consequences for wrongdoing.

The word discipline is derived from the Latin word discere which means “to learn, get to know, or become acquainted with.”  Notice that punishment is not part of this definition.

Here at Child & Adolescent Behavioral Health, we use this definition of discipline:

A broad program designed to help kids learn appropriate ways to express their thoughts, feelings, and problems.

It is a broad program, meaning there are many components.  Reliance on just one tool limits overall effectiveness.  It is more effective to have a broad array of strategies for creating change.

It is a learning process.  We know that learning takes time.  We also know that mistakes and setbacks are normal parts of the learning process.  Rather than punish for these, we look at them as opportunities to learn so that we can do better next time.

We aim to help young people learn appropriate ways to express their thoughts, feelings, and problems.  Often they have been expressing themselves and trying to get their needs met in ineffective and/or inappropriate ways.  Once we identify and acknowledge the valid thoughts, feelings, and problems that underlie behavior, we can help young people learn more appropriate and effective ways to express themselves and get their needs met.”

Most coaches would agree that great teams have great discipline, so would I.  Far less would agree on what that means, and the ones that do would rarely agree on the best way to get there.  I love the way this article explains my viewpoint, and I’d like to elaborate and explain how I get the most out of my players.

Have you ever seen a strict uptight coach that seemed to have the worst behaved team ever ?

Have you ever seen a very laid back coach that seemed to have the most well behaved team?

This is because rules and correction through anger, punishment, and other forms of external motivation aren’t actually ways to solve problems.  We tend to look at successful teams and mimic their actions.  What if we’ve got it wrong? What if those teams don’t always win because they were coached that way, but sometimes actually in spite of being coached that way.  For every winning team, I can show you 10 losing teams coached the same way. External motivators are like painting over rust on your car.  They cover up the problem temporarily, but when it resurfaces it’s even worse than before. Long lasting success requires players to learn how to motivate themselves.  You can’t stop a match and make everyone run when they make a mistake…. The only external motivator you have come game time is playing time…. And that can be effective in the moment, but you’re still not solving the problem.  If a player doesn’t appear to be motivated it doesn’t mean they aren’t interested, it doesn’t mean they aren’t trying or don’t care either.  There are players that just have trouble finding their inner motivation, they lack that killer instinct.  Some players lack confidence and because of that they hesitate on the court.  I believe that great coaches are disciplined themselves, great coaches are patient and curious.  It’s important to take the time to find out why a player appears unmotivated.  Having a lot of talent and being able to sub out poor performing players may put wins on the board, but it doesn’t make you a great coach.   You can’t tell a great coach from their wins and losses. Sometimes great players bail out mediocre coaching, and sometimes less talented teams over achieve because of incredible coaching, but if they don’t win the match nobody knows.  A great coach brings the best out of their players. In order to do that you first need to understand them.   I absolutely discipline my players, just not the way you see in movies.  I take the time to get to know my players, to understand everything about them.  By creating deep connections with my players im able to adapt the way I coach to meet their needs and not the other way around.  I teach my players the most powerful internal motivator…. Love.   I try to lead by example and make my love easy to see.  What motivates people the most in sports is love, love for the crowd, love for the game, love for their teammates.  Life is hard, sometimes it beats you down enough that you’ve gotten used to letting yourself down, and it becomes easy to stay in the cycle.  When your actions impact those you love it means so much more.  I teach players to play for others, to live for others.  I teach players to stop thinking about what’s possible and instead push the boundaries and find out what is possible.  I teach players that if they focus on the process, the results will follow. I teach players to be on time, be respectful, and every other rule that coaches create to manipulate players into doing what they want…. But I do it without rules, without “punishments”.  I take the time to understand what matters to each player and I show them how they can impact what matters most with their actions.  I explain the natural consequences to negative actions. I explain the why behind everything I teach.  I ask open questions forcing players to think about things they never have.  Our job as a coach is not to win that’s the players job, our job is to make winning possible.  Every coach teaches the game, they teach the rules, different plays, etc.  Great coaches teach winning, they open your mind, make you see things in a whole new way. A great coach prepares their players to succeed in everything they do not just sport.  They teach you how to prioritize what’s most important to you and help you find what you’re willing to give up to achieve your goals.  Although the worst quote in history is “win at all costs”. If you give up everything to win then you’ve actually lost….. so while players will need to sacrifice to achieve their goals, it’s important for coaches to help them understand what is ok to sacrifice and what is not.   A good coach can coach their sport well, but a great coach can coach anything well.   If a coach is truly great then when they leave a program it should function as well or better than when they left.   If your team needs you there to be successful than you haven’t taught them anything except to depend on others to solve their problems.   When you’re gone and players are still making the right choices to succeed, thats when you’ve truly made a difference.   External motivators such as punishments are ways to modify behavior in the moment.  Great coaches don’t modify behavior, they change lives.  Only through internal motivation can a player find lasting success.  So no I don’t have a list of rules, and you won’t see players at my practice running when they make errors, but that doesn’t mean you will see players goofing off and not trying.  Ultimately I believe that nothing worth having in life comes easy, so I choose the hard way.  It would be easy for me to yell and allow my emotions to run free.  It would be easy for me to punish poor performers and teach players that mistakes are unacceptable.  However In doing so I would be teaching kids to be motivated by fear, fear of my reaction, fear of punishment, fear of not being enough. Fearful players don’t push boundaries, they hide behind them.  Fearful players see a glass half empty, they’ll never find out what could be, because they’re terrified of what might be.  coaching through fear, limits players to average potential.  Coaching through love sets players free to fly as high as they possibly can, knowing that if they fall you’re gonna be there to catch them.  Coaches should be a safety net, a guide, a mentor, a shoulder to cry on,  someone to tell the great news you just got, and so much more.  The world glorifies the Coach with the best win / loss ratio, but if the Coach sacrificed their players to get it ……. Was it worth it. 

 Nobody will ever be able to convince me that it is.  Coaches, we get paid next to nothing and the average person couldn’t care less if a coach  won the national championship. Only 1% of Highschool athletes go on to play division 1 athletics. In men’s volleyball only 3.8 percent of Highschool athletes continue to play in college at any level. Of all college athletes only 2% will  ever play professionally,  even less will be able to make a legitimate living from it.  Winning is never a matter of life or death, but how you coach absolutely could be. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among US adolescents aged 15–24. In a 2023 study done by the CDC it was found that “39.7 % of students experienced persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness, 28.5% experienced poor mental health, 20.4% seriously considered attempting suicide, and 9.5% had attempted suicide.”

With numbers like this coaching the right way is more important than it ever has been before.  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is so important that it’s worth sacrificing a person to achieve it. 

Do you want to change behavior for a moment, or do you want to change a life forever?