The “Problem” Parent

Some coaches think that parents shouldn’t be involved beyond making sure their kid arrives on time, and is picked up on time.  In my opinion that belief is ignorant, it’s a belief im ashamed to say I once had.  A parent’s love for their child is a deep unconditional love.  That love drives them to do whatever it takes to protect and care for their child. At times I do believe that parents can act irrationally, but so can anyone. Unconditional love is in itself irrational.  I now understand the “problem” parent, but I don’t believe they’re a problem.  I believe they love their kid, and they don’t wanna see them upset.  The greatest leaders take extreme ownership of all things. As a coach I believe I need to take ownership of my relationship with the parents. If I try to build a wall between us, it creates a false sense of security.  Just because I’m not hearing it, doesn’t mean it’s not being said.  It’s my job to control the narrative. So instead of building a wall, I choose to build a bridge.  The first parent meeting a coach has will have an incredible impact on the coaches career in that program.  What those parents think will create the baseline. My job is to make sure those parents leave that meeting, believing I have their child’s best interest at heart.  By properly communicating who I am, what I do, why and how I do it, I can build trust with parents and players. This trust is crucial to a coaches success.  There are going to be times as a Coach, where I make decisions they don’t agree with.  Through a baseline of trust and open lines of communication I believe I can prevent things from turning toxic. These “problem” parents don’t hate me, they love their kid. When they lash out, it’s because their kid is upset and they don’t understand why.  Watching someone you love suffer without any control over the situation is an extremely helpless feeling. While the way they reacted may be wrong, they weren’t the cause of the situation.  Extreme ownership in this situation, means understanding that it’s my job to make sure they understand.  If the problem escalates, It’s my fault.  If I choose to alienate the parents I will never be successful. Yes it would be easier to do my job if they weren’t analyzing my decisions.  However, that simply is not an option.  An ignorant coach, creates ignorant parents. They can’t understand what isn’t properly explained to them. If you’re tired of having parents jump you from behind, then keep them in front of you. I believe i need to focus on connecting with the parents as much as I do the players. I need to open up, allow myself to be vulnerable, admit my failures, and explain my decisions.  I’m not perfect, and I don’t pretend to be.  Only through extreme ownership can I gain the trust of the parents and players.  Ultimately I believe that  ignorant coaches create ignorant parents. I believe that through intentionality, you can establish mutual, trust, respect, and understanding. With that being said, I hope to never deal with a “problem” parent again….. but if I do, it’ll be my fault and I’ll own it.  I’ll take ownership because I can’t lead if i don’t, and if I can’t lead, then why am I here.